Current pleasures including grabbing anything to then enter the mouth. Over-wintered chard made for much enjoyment.
I learn through experience. Information doesn’t stick with me until I have been through the thing, sometimes more than once. Becoming a father has been difficult to write about because all these new experiences are happening in real time. Everyday is at once flying by, and moving slow.
One of the more interesting challenges has been the interpersonal relationships created by incorporating another person into our lives. In my ignorance I thought he would simply fold into my partner’s relationship. Having a child seemed like simply adding another person into our existing relationship, and building from there. Instead, we have rebuilt from the very foundation.
A deep reprogramming of my relationship to my partner while creating relationships between mother and son, father and son, and the family unit has taken place. As the post-birth glow faded into reality, these new interpersonal relationships started forming.
Instead of taking several weeks off like I had intended, big changes on the farm brought me back to work after a week. As the season slowed, we could evaluate our new situation. It is cliche, but everything was different. The life we had been building over the past year was brought down to its core. Until you actually have a child in your arms, crying in the middle of the night, you can’t really understand just how demanding parenthood can be.
In the past we could rely on our relationship, but in building a family that dynamic had changed. I didn’t realize how significant that change was until several months into parenthood.
With time, we have found more solid footing. Our foundation remained strong and now we have a platform to rebuild our life. Routines around feeding, napping, and bathing help structure our days and more evenly allocate energy. Our bodies have somewhat adjusted to waking up several times a night, and my expectations for remaining energy at the end of the day is realistic.
I knew I would have one new person to get to know, but I neglected the change this would have on Rey becoming a mother. Her mind has shifted to become the caretaker, able to meet our son’s demands with incredible endurance. She stepped into herself and has emerged a beautiful mom that I am somehow more in love with than before.
As for my relationship to the boy, love grows everyday. Through the birth I felt my heart tear open, and while I thought it had receded afterwards, he continues to leverage open my being. It is surreal that someone so small can have such a great effect on your life. Sometimes when we look at each other I feel a connection straight to the core of my being, that somehow continues to grow deeper.
I have been grateful to unpack these feelings with a therapist, to then share with my partner, and now you. The reflective space has allowed me to step into myself and actually look around to notice the great changes we have been through.
There are still so many mistakes to make, tough conversations to have, great moments to experience. Surrendering to become the person you are meant to be demands vigilance. Through this effort, life can be experienced deeper, making the low points as tough as the high points are great. There is no limit to the depth of experience available and this is what makes a life worth living.
Farm News
We are steadily moving towards an abundant growing season. With the nursery fired up and plants growing this year is starting out strong. A big round of onions is on the horizon, as well as peppers, endless rounds of lettuce, a more herbs for our new Kitchen Herb Garden.
Work is continuing on a new and improved high tunnel that will house early rounds of your favorite crops!
CSA members have driven the farm’s progress by providing the upfront capital to begin a new season. We offer CSA members a bonus 10% on their dollar that can be used to purchase a wide diversity of fruits and veggies throughout the season.
Stay tuned for updates and early season events!